Over the last month or so since I’ve launched this blog, I’ve been annoying everyone who was reading with my stories on how SCARED I am to quit my job. No, I’m wrong, I was scared to have a conversation with my manager about my decision. I knew it all the way: the decision was easy (well, kind of), and it was right; it’s the requirement to tell those in charge about it that was making me so nervous.
I just hate confrontations of any kind (I’m the kind of person who finds it difficult to say “no”), and that’s what made it so damn difficult for me.
But I’ve gathered my courage, asked for a meeting and it was it. I’ll be free to do whatever I please in about 3 weeks time. There’s a whole back story to it – my boss threw me a (pleasant) surprise, but I can’t talk about it right now for a number of reasons.
I feel relaxed and ready to go ahead with my business. And I have a ton of new ideas – including ones for this blog. But it is why I am putting it on hiatus – for now.
When I launched it, I needed a place to vent my fears and frustrations. Although I didn’t publish much of my writing, it certainly helped me to get my act together, and the simple fact that there’s someone reading it made it easier for me to commit to my decision. Now, when I’m about to launch into my new business, I fear that I won’t have much time to devote to any other projects. Also, I don’t like to hide behind a mask and want everything to be very transparent – which I can’t realistically do with this blog right now.
So, this blog goes on hiatus. When I’m ready, I’ll revisit my ideas and relaunch it with some new exciting content, but the subject will stay the same: quitting your day job, doing what you love, going out of your comfort zone, conquering your fears and just doing it.
I’ve stumbled upon this video where two awesome photographers Dane Sanders and Gabriel Ryan have a chat about quitting your day job to start your photography business. Have a look!
So here it goes. I am still scared. My heart sinks every time I think of it.
I imagine how I will ask my manager to talk to him for a minute next Monday (yep, I want to do it then… well, maybe Tuesday), and then imagine how we’ll go into a meeting room, sit down, have some obligatory chit-chat and then I’ll break the news… and my heart sinks.
And I just don’t know why. During these last few days I’ve been buried in my new business-related work. It’s a lot of work, and I feel frustrated at times, but it still feels very exciting and I am totally absorbed by it! And then… this fear I don’t want to be feeling.
It’s not the fear of leaving as such – I am very excited about that. It’s the fear of having the conversation. And I couldn’t put my finger on why I would be feeling that way.
So I googled for advice. The search turned up Penelope Trunk’s very old blog post which explained exactly why people might feel like that before they announce their departure at work. Turns out, it’s all to do with assertiveness (which I am often struggling with) and – most importantly – shifting the balance of power from your boss telling you what to do to you telling them what you are going to do.
I’ve already been in a similar situation a few months ago. I asked for a meeting and told my boss I can no longer lend my equipment to the company without being compensated for it. It was a fair request, but it was hard work coming up with courage to ask for it (it took me MONTHS!). But I’ve done it and got my compensation (could’ve gotten more… but was too scared to ask for more… scared of the questioning and having to explain every single pound I was requesting).
So okay. Assertiveness and power shifts. Explains it.
Now how am I going to get over it? I googled some more and read other people’s stories about experiencing the same sort of fear mixed with hesitation when they approach telling their boss they are leaving.
One theme that repeated itself in all those stories was people feeling very loyal to the company (or to their boss). Being loyal makes it so much harder to leave. I am pretty loyal too (despite being paid peanuts for saving the company thousands of pounds… but that’s not the point). I’ve learnt a lot since I’ve joined, they’ve been pretty supportive of my desire to do what I like and not to do what I don’t. I am constantly thinking that they won’t be able to find a replacement who would be able to do as much for the money offered.
But the question is: would the company be as loyal to me had they decided it was time to let me go? Or if they needed to make my position redundant? Whatever loyalty they may feel, business is business and business decisions often have no place for loyalty.
So I need to start thinking as a business person. What is in the best interests of my business – that is, myself? Is it to stay (and annoy my friends for another 10 years about not being paid what I am worth and dreaming of having my own business) or is it to go?
A recent example: one of our pretty valuable members of the team just left to work for a competitor (well, kinda). He was loyal to the company since the very beginning, in 2001. And yet he didn’t hesitate to leave when he decided he didn’t like it anymore. Why should I?
So my answer is: to go. That’s my business decision. No hard feelings. The best thing I can do is to offer to come in on a freelance basis every now and again (but not every week) if they are struggling. Good for me, good for them (well, better if I just told them to sod off).
Now with that in mind, where’s my Paul McKenna’s Instant Confidence CD?
I had it hammered into my head for the last two or three months or so: be niche. Do one thing and one thing only. Be THE authority on that one little thing that you do, and you will not regret it.
And I would totally agree and would sniff at people who said they were doing “corporate, product, wedding, portrait and landscape photography” because they were totally missing the point, weren’t they?
And yet what did I do myself? I did exactly what they did, maybe on a slightly smaller scale.
So, the BUSINESS PLAN. The scary monster. Something I’ve been dreading and delaying for months and months. I’ve been looking around, downloading some samples and giving up as I couldn’t quite put my ideas into any sort of structured document.
I told myself that despite everyone saying that you have to have a business plan, I [...]
I had a pretty rocky couple of weeks.
I already mentioned that my husband and I are about to buy our first home. And as any house buyer (or seller) will tell you, that’s a pretty nerve-wracking and often frustrating process. It starts from the moment you walk into the property you like right until the [...]
After yesterdays’ post on kicks in the butt I got stuck again. I have my pricing figured out, and the discount strategy to build my portfolio and get some new clients thought through (well, kinda… I can’t really think things through properly. I had a go at putting together a business and a marketing plan, but guess I just prefer to go with the flow. Anyway, I digress)…
Kicks in the butt every now and again are pretty important. I had three in the last two days.
First one was finally finishing (devouring, rather) the Pastry School by photographer Alicia Caine, which finally made me stop obsessing about releasing my photography pricing and just get on with it and put it up there on my website. A very good but gentle kick in the butt it was.
I read it everywhere: when you just start a blog or launch a website, you obsess about the stats. You check them daily (if not hourly) as if by some sort of magic people will start appearing on your blog, and subscribing to your posts.
I thought it was a joke until I launched into blogging.
